God’s Word exhorts us to begin our proclamation of the gospel with showing Christ’s love to our spouses. A marriage where forgiveness, selfless love and sacrifice are evident is a beautiful witness about the forgiveness, selfless love and sacrifice of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

A key to understanding God’s intended design for a marriage lies in Ephesians 5:23-25.  As we read again this familiar passage, we must be careful not to allow our familiarity with these verses to breed indifference to the shocking reality behind them.  I’m going to read this passage in the ESV as well as in two paraphrased translations so that we might be able to see it from a couple of different perspectives:

ESV

²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

PHILLIPS PARAPHRASE

^22-24 You wives must learn to adapt yourselves to your husbands, as you submit yourselves to the Lord, for the husband is the “head” of the wife in the same way that Christ is head of the Church and saviour of the body. The willing subjection of the Church to Christ should be reproduced in the submission of wives to their husbands. But, remember, this means that the husband must give his wife the same sort of love that Christ gave to the Church, when he sacrificed himself for her. 

THE LIVING BIBLE

²³ For a husband is in charge of his wife in the same way Christ is in charge of his body the Church. (He gave his very life to take care of it and be its Savior!) ²⁴ So you wives must willingly obey your husbands in everything, just as the Church obeys Christ. ²⁵ And you husbands, show the same kind of love to your wives as Christ showed to the Church when he died for her

In these verses, Christ’s relationship to the church appears three times:

1. Verse 23: even as Christ is the head of the church
2. Verse 24: the church submits to Christ
3. Verse 25: as Christ loved the church

Hollywood and our culture completely miss the point of why God created marriage! The Bible lays out for us that the reason for marriage is Jesus.  It is about His love for the church and the church’s submission to Him as her leader.  The ultimate meaning of marriage is not the marriage itself; it is ultimately about Jesus.

Christians in a marital relationship are called to take their focus off the marriage itself and to focus their attention on what the marriage represents. Marriage is glorious, magnificent, and valuable because it is modelled after something that is glorious, magnificent, and valuable: namely, Christ’s love for the church.

The sacrificial love that binds together a man and a woman is valuable because it represents something far greater than itself. It represents that “Jesus loves and leads the church” and the “church submits to or follows her leader, Jesus.”  The greatness of marriage is not in itself, but in what it points to.  It represents the greatest reality of them all: no price is too much for Jesus to pay for his bride, the church. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

This morning, I want to tie together the last three weeks of teaching. The ultimate design for marriage is a display of Christ’s love for the church, and the ultimate purpose for the church is to make disciples of Christ.  Therefore, the product of both a healthy marriage and a healthy church is new disciples.  God patterned marriages after Christ’s love for the church and his goal for every marriage is to fill the earth with worshippers of Jesus.

The goal to produce new worshippers of Christ.

If the goal is to help fill the earth with new worshippers, then couples with children, couples without children, and single people can all be a significant part of this important endeavor.

• You don’t need your own children to train new worshippers.
• Discipling of both those who are young and those who came to Christ at a later age are included.
• Single people who can never have a child of their own are also able to be part of this process, so nobody of left on the sidelines.

Sometimes these new disciples come naturally in a marriage in the form of babies. The goal of every parent is to develop babies into worshippers of Jesus.  Having children is not the main objective in a marriage, but it is an important one; it’s a biblical one.

The meaning of marriage in relation to children is not simply, “make children,” but “raise children who are disciples.”  Just as churches are intended to produce disciples, families are also intended to produce disciples.  But… having and raising your own children is not necessarily the only way to accomplish this objective.

Our Objective

Here is where we are going for the rest of this morning’s message.

First, it is important to understand that God’s original plan in creation was for men and women to marry and have children. Having children and training them up as disciples is part of God’s will for many.

Second, getting married and having children of your own is not an absolute calling for every person or every couple. Couples typically have children.  Having children is good.  It’s painful.  It’s wonderful.  But, having children of your own is by no means an absolute calling for every person.  Being a disciple and making disciples is an absolute calling for every believer – whether they are married or not.

#1 Discipling your own children can be part of God’s plan for your marriage

The byproduct of most Christian marriages is the birth of children. The Bible clearly calls parents to be committed to raising those children as disciples of Christ and worshippers of the most high God.  Let’s go back to God’s original design for the family in Genesis 1:26-28

²⁶ Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

²⁷ So God created man in his own image,     in the image of God he created him;     male and female he created them.

²⁸ And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Simply filling the earth with warm bodies could not have been God’s only objective here. Here’s why I say that: later in Genesis, God destroyed most people on earth.  God was looking for worshippers.  Most of earth’s population at the time were ignoring God, so He destroyed the earth in a huge flood.  Only Noah and his family were left.

Once again, after the flood, God told Noah to fill up the earth with families who would honor, worship and fear Him. Genesis 9:1 says, “God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.”  The stated OT purpose in filling the earth was so that it would be “will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord as the waters cover the sea” (Hab. 2:14).

It has always been honorable to produce children who love, honor, and fear the Lord. Consider the writings of Solomon.

• In Proverbs 1:7, “The fearof the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
• In Proverbs 3:7, “Be not wise in your own eyes; fearthe Lord, and turn away from evil.”
• In Proverbs 14:26, “In the fearof the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge.”
• In Proverbs 24:21 “²¹ My son, fear the Lord and the king, and do not join with those who do otherwise…”

The man who fills his house with children who fear the Lord is richly blessed by the Lord. Solomon also wrote Psalm 127 where it says, “⁴ Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. ⁵ Blessed is the man     who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”

Let’s fast forward to the New Testament. When people brought their children to Jesus, the disciples were annoyed.  They wrongly assumed that the Gospel was mainly for adults.  Jesus didn’t see it that way.

No one was more positive about the training and discipleship of children than Jesus himself. Mark recalls the interaction between Jesus and Children in Mark 10:13-14, “¹³ And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. ¹⁴ But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.”  Jesus’ huge emphasis on the discipleship of children underscores the necessity of effective children’s discipleship in every family and church body.

The Bible puts a HUGE value on raising and training children to be life-long disciples of Jesus. This is best done in the context of a home.  There is a special blessing on families who are called to raise families, both small and large. Their children are being straightened, sharpened, and conformed to the image of Christ. One of the great responsibilities of married couple is to have children and to raise them to be worshippers of Jesus!

The normal pattern in a household is to have children and raise them in the Lord, I am well-aware that there are some households where God has not granted children. Having children is not the ultimate goal of marriage. The ultimate goal of marriage is worshipping Jesus.  The ultimate goal of life is worshipping Jesus

#2 The ultimate goal of life is worshipping Jesus by being a disciple and making disciples.

The decision about whether or not to get married or whether or not to have children ultimately depends on the answer to these two questions:

1. What will bring the most glory to my Savior, Jesus Christ?!
2. How can I best be a disciple and make disciples?

For some of you, the best way for you to serve the Lord is by being single and pouring out your life in serving and loving others. For others, the best way for you to serve the Lord is by building households centered on Jesus and the raising of children.

There is a tension in the Bible between the question of whether or not to marry: In Genesis 2:18 God says, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Does that mean that every man needs to marry?

Consider the other side described by Paul: Pauls says in 1 Corinthians 7:7, “⁷ I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” And then in verse 25-28 he says, “²⁵ Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. ²⁶ I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. ²⁷ Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. ²⁸ But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.”

Different gifts are given to different people. Different callings are given to different people.  Marriage is not right for all people.  Having your own children is not the ultimate goal of life.  According to Paul, singleness is a tremendous gift.  He says that a single person is spared from many worldly troubles, unrestricted in fulfilling the work of the Lord without the responsibilities of raising a family.  Marriage is not absolutely necessary for all people.

So it is with having children. God commanded us to “be fruitful and fill the earth.” It is good and right for a Christian family to raise children as disciples of Christ.  But it’s not absolutely necessary.  Not every person is called to have children.

What is absolutely necessary is the pursuit of new spiritual children, not necessarily new natural children. Here’s what I mean:  it is God’s directive to every disciple to both be a disciple and have a disciple.  Marriage is not simply about having children; it is about training up new disciples.  What we are all called to pursue- whether we are a married couple raising children, married without children, or single –  is to train up new spiritual children as we are growing in the Lord ourselves.  We are called to be disciples and to make disciples.  God calls His church to multiply worshippers.

How to Raise Disciples…

In the last few minutes we have left, let’s focus in on how God intends for us to use our marriages to create disciples.  We are going to spend the rest of our time looking at how a husband and wife are designed to train up new disciples.

Ephesians 6:1-4 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), ³ “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. ⁴ Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”  Let me offer you a few brief observations about parental discipleship from this text:

Marriage as a discipleship tool

#1 The father in the home has the primary discipleship responsibility. The father is primarily responsible for bringing up children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Notice in the passage it says “Children obey your parents.” This includes both mom and dad.  Personally, I’m tired of churches assuming that only women are interested in spiritual things.  Canyon leans heavily on the intentional training of men.

The verse does not say, “Moms, instruct your children and drag dad to church.” It says “parents” and, when it mentions the duty of the parents, it calls out men specifically.  It says, “Fathers… bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”  God designed a family so that fathers have the leading responsibility when it comes to the discipleship of children.

Some men are checking out right now. They figure they don’t know the first thing about the Bible.

• “I know how to fix a motor and how to throw a football.”
• “The Bible is your thing, Pastor. You might know how to do that, but I don’t have a clue.”

Let me suggest four simple ways that you can practically disciple your children:

Read the Bible and share what you learn with your kids.

Example: You’re driving with your son and you say, “Hey I was reading the Bible the other day, and I came across something interesting.”  What that communicates to your child is that their father, one of the most influential people in their lives, thinks that the Bible is important.  It is so important the he is reading it on his own and sharing some of what it has to say.

Lead a family devotional time

Example: Set aside a time once or twice a week to do a devotional together with your family. When you open the Bible with your family, it is powerful.  When kids hear their dad reading from God’s Word, it communicates to them that the Bible is valuable and authoritative.

Get your family to church.

Example: Too often, mom is dragging the family to church. Dad, you lead your family spiritually. You get up early on Sunday. You put on coffee. You start breakfast. You wake up the kids and make should they get to church on time.  When you make church and spiritual discipleship a priority in the family, then children are trained to take the things of the Lord seriously.

Don’t pass it off to someone else

Example: Don’t assume that if you get them to church or you enroll them in a Christian school that the hard work of discipleship is done. From the beginning, discipleship has always been a man’s responsibility.  Deut. 4:9 says, “⁹ …take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children.” Deut. 6:6-8 says, “⁶ And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. ⁷ You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. ⁸ You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.”

#2 Mom and dad are both called to share in the responsibility of discipleship

In Ephesians 6, both mom and dad are called to be the object of the child’s honor. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right…” You can hear the responsibility of both parents in our leading verse today.  Proverbs 6:20-22 says,

“²⁰ My son, keep your father’s commandment,     and forsake not your mother’s teaching. ²¹ Bind them on your heart always;     tie them around your neck. ²² When you walk, they will lead you;     when you lie down, they will watch over you;     and when you awake, they will talk with you.”

You may recall that young Timothy had a Greek father. It is likely that he was not saved. It is mentioned in the scripture that he was discipled by his mother and his grandmother. Both mother and father bear the responsibility for discipling children. If dad’s not a believer, then discipleship falls on mom, but the father who is a believer is called to lead his family spiritually.

#3 It is powerful and effective if both father and mother are united in this effort.

Unity in discipleship is not always possible because sometimes there is one spouse who is not a believer. In that case, the believing spouse needs to do their best to find common ground in critical areas of child-rearing, like discipline.

Unity in discipleship is God’s design.  The goal of raising your children biblically is simply this:  To raise your child “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”  After that process is finished, you pull that child back with the strong arms of prayer, launch them out into the world so that they make an impact for Christ.  The chief task of parenting is for children to know God and then to be sent into the world to worship God by making disciples.

Conclusion/ Application

God has ordained that both mother and father are involved and unified in the raising and discipleship of children; before they were parents, they were united as husband and wife. Inside the deep covenant relationship of a marriage is the most effective place for children to understand God’s love for them.  As they watch the daily drama of sacrificial love played out between their mom and dad, they might catch a glimpse of God’s love for them.

They might come to know God’s love and then to be blown away by it! A good marriage makes a good place for kids to see and understand God’s deep love for them. Once a child sees and understands God’s love for them, they have the foundation they need to being growing in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.  These kind of children are trained up by God-fearing parents so they can spend a lifetime worshipping Jesus, making disciples, and glorifying God with their lives.

#4 God calls his Church to multiply worshippers

In this way, we are not to be focused on the development of one child’s spiritual life or the development of a few children, but on impacting dozens or hundreds of new believers with the life-transforming power of the gospel.

In Mark 10:29-30, Jesus makes a shift. He shifts from the absolute necessity of raising your own biological children in the fear and knowledge of the Lord to impacting hundreds of others through the extended family of God.  Here are his words, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, ³⁰ who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life.”

Think of all the ways you can impact children with the gospel of Jesus Christ and have a significant impact on their spiritual growth. Beyond what happens in your own home, you can be involved in children’s ministry here at our church.  I am deeply concerned that if the Lord brought 10 more children to our church, we would not have enough workers to staff our children’s discipleship program.  We would have to turn them away.  Is the Lord calling you to disciple our kids?

Last weekend I showed a video about what the Lord is doing in foster care and adoption ministry through the Canyon Bible Fellowship. We have foster families who are in their 20’s and 30’s.  We have other foster families in the 60’s and 70’s.  These are families who feel the calling and burden of responsibility to spiritually influence children who would otherwise float around the government system.

Training up children might include hosting a backyard Bible club this summer in your neighborhood. It could include developing a relationship with the children in your neighborhood so that your home is where all the kids want to hang out. This one is especially hard for me because the neighborhood kids on my street always seems to want to come over at the most inconvenient times!

In Prescott, there was a little girl who came over to our house almost every day. She lived in a pretty rough environment. She played with my kids. She ate meals with us. She was a part of our family. She hung out with us for probably 5 years! Only the Lord knows what kind of impact our family had on the spiritual life of that young girl.

My point is this: marriage is not about populating the earth.  Marriage is about training up new disciples.  Marriages are absolutely intended to train children how to be followers and worshippers of Jesus in one way or another.