Christ Exalting Marriage | 1 Peter 3

Opening

I’m sure many of you have heard this statistic: “Half of all marriages in America end in divorce.” According to Barna, that’s not true and it hasn’t been true in a while.  The truth is that about a third of marriages end in divorce.

I had a man tell me this statistic the other day: “More people get divorced in the church than outside the church.” That’s also not true… at least not in the evangelical church.  The truth is that people who attend evangelical churches, like ours, are among the least divorced people in America.  Only about a fourth of those professing to be evangelical believers ever go through a divorce.

Overall, divorce rates are falling both inside and outside of the church. That’s some good news.  But, other statistics that indicate that the American view of marriage is still far from Biblical:

• A growing majority of young adults in their 20’s feel like the Bible’s views on sexuality are old fashioned. Barna sites this statistic as one of the major factors contributing to young adults leaving the church.
• The number of people choosing to cohabitate instead of getting married is also on the rise. When a cohabitating couple breaks up, it is not reflected in the divorce statistics. But, when couples who are living together break up, they still experience much of heartache of married couples who divorce

As believers, we need to be reminded of this proverb:

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22

My generation does not hold a high enough view of marriage. But I would also argue that my grandparents, and their grandparents before them, did not have a high enough view of marriage either.  There is now, and has always been, a vast expanse between the high, Biblical view of marriage and the throw-away, take-it-or-leave-it view of marriage that has been adopted by our culture.

The Bible’s view on marriage is radical. It’s Christ-centered.  Sometimes it is shocking to people because it is so selfless.  So let me ask you these questions:

• Do we tone down what the Bible says because it’s so radically different than what we are used to hearing?
• Do we sugar coat the Bible’s clear instructions because young people don’t like it?
• Or, do we look at God’s original design for marriage and try to learn from it?

When the Lord Jesus was asked about marriage and divorce in Matthew 19, he went right to God’s original design for marriage. Jesus found the creation account of marriage highly relevant.

In Matthew 19 Jesus said these words, “⁴ …“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, ⁵ and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? ⁶ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

It’s wise to follow our Lord’s example and look to God’s original intentions for marriage. Think about it this way. If I wanted to restore a broken down car to showroom condition, I wouldn’t evaluate a hundred other broken cars and make improvements based on them. No, I would look at the original design and study how that car is supposed to work. I would begin the restoration focused on the original design.

God created marriage. He knows exactly what it’s for and how it’s supposed to work. (Gen 2, Matt 19:3-6)

When we follow God’s instructions, marriages not only work well, but they are glorious testimonies to the life-transforming power of the gospel. God’s plan for marriage is higher and holier than the world’s model for marriage.  Some Americans look at the Biblical blueprint for marriage and think it’s extreme.  I think it’s refreshing!

It might be true that more marriages last now, but healthy marriages are still rare. A healthy marriage is not based primarily on feelings, kids, or finances.  Those things are good, but the Bible points to a far more important and foundational truth about marriage. The Bible makes it clear that ultimately, marriage is about Jesus.

I am going to explain this morning how marriage is all about Jesus.  Being married, staying married, and working to make a marriage healthy are all about Jesus and His glory.  Here is the first reason why:

Marriage is a living model of Christ’s love for the church. (Eph 5)

Ephesians 5 says, “²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish

According to that scripture, marriage is a model of Jesus’ love for His bride, the church. God’s Word shows us that marriage is a supernatural illustration of how much Jesus loves the church.  ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…  In this way, God’s Word points to a higher reality of marriage. Marriage is a living model of Christ’s love for us.  Marriage displays the love of Christ in this way:

• When I am unkind to Lara and she rises above my behavior and treats me with respect, even though I deserve her wrath and disrespect, then she is loving me exactly like God loves me. She is displaying a model of Christ’s sacrificial love for the church. In showing me grace, she is displaying God’s covenant keeping love for his people. John 3:16-17 “¹⁶ “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”
• When Lara is sick and unable to serve our family or meet any of my “needs”, I have to opportunity to serve and minister to her in her time of need. My commitment to her care, even though she is unable to give anything in return, is exactly how God loves us.  He loves us, serves us, and is committed to us even before we were able to serve Him. Romans 5:8, “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Marriage was created as a living illustration of Christ’s love for the church.  God displays his love for fallen mankind and His covenant with His church more clearly and directly in the institution of marriage than He does in any other way.  In view of God’s self-sacrificing love for us, Christians can have a different response when they are faced with difficulties in their marriages.  When someone says, “how can you stay married to a man like him or a woman like her?” our response can instantly point to Jesus and his love for us.

• “Let me tell you about the Savior’s great love for me”
• “Let me tell you about how lost I was before I entered into a relationship with Jesus. Did you know that I was heading to Hell and Jesus paid the ultimate price so that I could be saved from eternal death? If Christ is willing to forgive a man like me and make an immeasurable sacrifice for the salvation of my soul, then certainly, I can love my spouse, even if she is sometimes difficult to love.” “The Lord knows that sometimes I’m difficult to respect!”
• “When you look at my marriage and the way that I love my wife, in a small way you might see a glimpse of the Savior’s great love for me – and His great love for you. Do you know Him?”

It is important for Christians to stay married so that Christ’s love is on display through your love for your spouse. Marriage is not primarily about staying “in love” as if it is built on emotions. Jesus didn’t feel like going to the cross for me.  He sweat blood in agony the night before.  He begged the Father for another way.  But he went anyway because of His love for His bride, the church. Love is always displayed by actions, not by feelings.

• The ultimate act of love in a marriage is to extend grace to an imperfect spouse when they fail.
• The best gift you could give your spouse is grace they don’t deserve.
• The best gift Christ gave to us was grace we didn’t deserve.

Marriage is all about putting Christ’s love on display for a lost world to see. Luke 12:51-52, 1 Peter 3

1 Peter 3, helps us to understand what “Christ’s love on display” might look like in real life. 1 Peter was written to believers who were living in a Greco-Roman culture in the area of modern-day Turkey (Asia Minor).

• On one hand, the unifying power of the gospel reaches out beyond all conceivable social, political, economic and racial barriers.
• On the other hand, the gospel can create separations in families.

Luke 12:51-52 Jesus said, “⁵¹ Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. ⁵² For from now on in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three.

What happens when a household is divided by the gospel? That situation gives a believing spouse another way of putting Christ’s love for the church on display! The New Testament church was often faced with this issue in marriages. The wife was on the side of the gospel and the husband was not.

Culturally, this situation would have created a huge problem. In the Greco-Roman context of the New Testament, a man’s family was expected to follow him in his religious practices.  A man’s wife and the household servants were expected to worship in the same way the male head of the home worshipped.

Spiritually, this situation created a huge opportunity to show Christ’s love for the church. Here is how Peter says believing wife is supposed to handle that situation:

She supposed to act exactly like God acts towards us.

• God sees our sin.
• God sees our lostness.
• God sees our unholiness

AND…God goes to work. He begins to extend grace.  He pursues us in love.  He makes a way and he waits for us to reach out and respond to the offer of his saving grace.

So what does he ask of a woman who has found herself in a household that is divided? God asks that woman to allow Christ in her to extend supernatural grace to her husband….

Wives and Husbands

I Peter 3:1-4

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, ² when they see your respectful and pure conduct. ³ Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— ⁴ but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”

In light of eternity, marriage lasts for about a second. This passage is not talking about how to have a perfect home. It’s not talking about how to kindle romance.  This passage is talking about something far more important: This passage addresses how a woman makes such a display of the love of Christ that she is powerfully used by God to win her husband’s soul for eternity! The Bible urges a believer to live in a way that displays Jesus love to the unbelieving spouse.

Show an unbelieving spouse Jesus with your life (1 Pet. 3:1-4, Proverbs 14:1, 24:3-4, 25:24, 31:10, 27-28,)

I’m going to talk about wives first, but I’m going talk to men in a few minutes… so hang on…

Proverbs 14:1 says, “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.” In this passage, a woman’s “house” refers to two things: her husband and her children. The wisest of women builds her house.  Proverbs 31 praises the woman who has an exceptionally well-built house.  Proverbs 31:27-28 says,

^“27 She looks well to the ways of her household (her husband and children)     and does not eat the bread of idleness. (what is the result?) ²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed;     her husband also, and he praises her:”

She is a woman who only does good things for her husband. He trusts her totally.  He is respected because of her.  Her children are well-clothed, well-taught, and well-cared-for.  Proverbs 24:3-4 says,

³ By wisdom a house is built,     and by understanding it is established; ⁴ by knowledge the rooms are filled     with all precious and pleasant riches.

A woman who loves a Christian man in this way is “far more precious than jewels” according to Proverbs 31:10.  A non-believing husband who is cared for by a godly, believing wife might come to know Jesus as Lord and Savior because of her grace and sacrificial service.

If your spouse is not saved, the most loving thing you could possibly do for him is show him Jesus with your life. A woman who is “building her house” does whatever it takes to snatch her unbelieving husband out of the clutches of the Devil and to show him Christ with her life.

Here’s the problem:

• It’s hard.
• It will require sacrifice.
• It’s going to take humility.
• Some “rights” might be neglected in the process.

God’s way is far more difficult than nagging or harassing a man until he behaves. Proverbs says this about a nagging wife:  ²⁴ It is better to live in a corner of the housetop     than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. (Provers 25:24)

Nobody was ever nagged into heaven! A man cowering on the rooftop in order to avoid his wife will not be easily influenced by her.  God’s way is to show the love of Christ with our lives.  God calls us to extend grace to those who don’t deserve grace… just like He extends grace to us when we don’t deserve it.

NOTE: Let me be clear about one issue before we move forward. We are referring to a situation where a husband is not saved or is not acting like he is saved.  We are not talking about a situation where the husband is dangerous.  The elders at Canyon would not endorse a woman living in a situation where she is in physical danger.  BUT…We are talking about a very common scenario where a woman is not in physical danger, but she is living with either a non-Christian man or a professing Christian who is living a sinful lifestyle.

Abraham and Sarah: Our Examples

I believe this passage can be applied more widely to encompass a Christian husband living in sin because of the example that Peter uses in this passage.  Peter gives this incredible example of grace from the Old Testament.  He points to a woman who was married to the very first prophet listed in Scripture… a woman named Sarah.  Look at verse 5

⁵ For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, ⁶ as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Abraham was generally a good man who feared God. However, there were these times when Abraham failed incredibly.

• God promised him a son, but he did not wait for God’s timing. He broke God’s law and slept with a slave in order to make sure God fulfilled His promise. His decision deeply hurt Sarah.
• Twice, Abraham lied about Sarah being his wife and she was taken to be part of a king’s harem, only to be returned when the king found out she was married.

Abraham made some pretty huge mistakes and those mistake caused serious consequences for Sarah. Do you know how Sarah treated him? She extended grace to Abraham.  She treated him better then he deserved.  She showed him God’s love – a love that was totally unmerited.  That love was a gift the way God’s love for us is a gift.

She showed Abraham respect even when he deserved her wrath. She called him “lord” (the modern equivalent of “sir”) and showed him respect:

• even though he had sinned
• even though he had hurt Sarah
• even though he did not protect her like he should have.

She honored the marriage covenant she had made to Abraham before God. She forgave him like God forgives us.  The way that she loved Abraham displayed God’s love to the world.

Men Who Extend Grace

Men don’t get a free pass here. Look at verse 7.  Notice that the first word is “Likewise.” Men are supposed to have the same kind of attitude towards their wives.  There is only one verse written to men and it is power-packed.

The culture this passage was written to was male-dominated. Men ruled and women were supposed to do as they were told.  Listen to what Peter writes to men.  It flew in the face of everything they thought of as normal in a household.  Verse 7

⁷ Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

In one verse, Peter tells husbands how to show Christ’s love to their wives:

How to Show Christ’s Love to Our Wives:

• Stop dominating your wives and ordering them around like they are your slaves. Sit down with her.
• Understand her. As you seek to understand her, that is showing her Christ’s love.
• Honor her and esteem her as an equal. Don’t think for a minute that just because you are physically stronger than her that you are more important to God than she is.  She inherits the same eternal life you do if she follows Christ.  She is just as important to God as you are.

The Bible is clear that a husband is totally responsible for what happens inside the home. Headship is the opportunity to show Christ’s love for your family by taking responsibility for their well-being.  It is by no means a license to be a tyrant.  Husbands in this passage are extended a simple benefit as well as a serious warning.

• Warning: If you want God to hear your prayers, then you must treat your wife appropriately or else your prayers will be hindered.
• Benefit: If you treat your wife well, then Almighty God – the most powerful power in the universe – listens and responds to your prayers.

It gets down to the most basic nature of God’s working in your family. We reconcile relationships with one another because ultimately, disciples of Jesus are in the business of displaying God’s love to a fallen world.

Disciples of Jesus are in the business of displaying God’s love for mankind.

Without Jesus, we were utterly and irreversibly lost and dying with no hope of salvation. Christ’s work on the cross was necessary so that we might find ourselves in a reconciled relationship with God.  Certainly if Christ was willing to pay such a high, sacrificial price in order for us to be right with God, we should be willing to pay a relatively small price to be reconciled with each other inside our homes.

Think about Paul, Timothy, and Peter. They were willing to pay a huge price with their lives in order to tell people about Jesus.  In Philippians, Epaphroditus said that he was willing to give his life – to literally die – for the spiritual growth of the church.

We applaud these men for their commitment to the gospel. They were pouring out their lives for people they didn’t necessarily know very well.  Considering their sacrifice for the conversion of foreigners, strangers and acquaintances, then how much more committed should you and I be to sharing the gospel with the people we are closest to – especially if we have an immediate family member who does not yet know Jesus!

When we have marriages that are marked by grace and forgiveness, then Christ’s love is clearly shown. Marriages marked by divorce, fighting, and animosity don’t display the grace of Jesus very well.  Proverbs 17:1 says, “Better is a dry morsel with quiet     than a house full of feasting with strife.”

My goal as a disciple is to proclaim to a lost world the incredible, saving love of Jesus. That begins with loving my own wife sacrificially.  In doing so, the world is receiving a clear message from me: “God loves me unconditionally. I’m trying to be like him. You can catch a glimpse of God’s love for me in how I love my wife.” God’s Word exhorts us to begin our proclamation of the gospel with how we show Christ’s love to our spouses.

The gospel is a ministry of reconciliation.

We were separated from God and Christ redeemed us. Our marriages are meant to put flesh on that truth.  A marriage where forgiveness, selfless love, and sacrifice are evident are a beautiful witness to an unbelieving world

• If you are a believer, don’t lose sight of Christ’s purpose for your marriage. Keep your eyes on Jesus and aim to please Him with how you treat your spouse. Extend forgiveness often and serve selflessly.  Marriage is an important ministry that is the basis for our testimony in every other area of life.

Application:

He who finds a wife finds a good thing     and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22

It is important to keep marriages together because it is important to show the world how much Jesus loves fallen and broken people. Pleasing Jesus begins with showing his love to undeserving people – beginning with our spouses.

Next week: We will continue with part two of this series as we look into how a Christian

marriage is a display of Christ’s covenant keeping love for us.