Instructing Our Children in the Way of Wisdom – Part 2

Proverbs 2

2 My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, 2 making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; 3 yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, 4 if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, 5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. 6 For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; 7 he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, 8 guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints. 9 Then you will understand righteousness and justice and equity, every good path; 10 for wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; 11 discretion will watch over you, understanding will guard you, 12 delivering you from the way of evil, from men of perverted speech, 13 who forsake the paths of uprightness to walk in the ways of darkness, 14 who rejoice in doing evil and delight in the perverseness of evil, 15 men whose paths are crooked, and who are devious in their ways.

16 So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words, 17 who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God; 18 for her house sinks down to death, and her paths to the departed; 19 none who go to her come back, nor do they regain the paths of life.

20 So you will walk in the way of the good and keep to the paths of the righteous. 21 For the upright will inhabit the land, and those with integrity will remain in it, 22 but the wicked will be cut off from the land, and the treacherous will be rooted out of it.

Musicians and Training

Growing up, I spent a lot of time around the performing arts and I grew to appreciate jazz music. I love to listen to a great saxophone player. One time in college, I had the opportunity to play in a band with one of my favorite saxophone players, Brandon Fields. When I met him he had performed on over three hundred albums, including a well-known recording with a band called The Rippingtons.

While I love to hear a great horn player, I am not at all happy with playing the saxophone myself. When I pick up a saxophone and play it, I have no freedom. The sound that comes out of the other end is embarrassing. It’s not a joyful noise, but an annoying screech.

The reason I can’t do anything with a saxophone is because I have no training. I’ve never spent a single hour practicing. I’m completely undisciplined; I don’t have even the most basic knowledge of how to play it. I love to hear other people play, but I have no joy in producing music on the saxophone myself.

The bass guitar is another story. I’ve spent hours practicing the bass. I know the theory and technique of the bass so well that I’ve taught dozens of other people how to play over the years. When I was learning how to play the bass, my goal was to be good enough to earn a college scholarship and, possibly, to perform professionally someday. So I practiced scales and learned theory, even though that was not always fun.

I’ve experienced joy when I play, but it came as a by-product of the hard work required by a good musician.

If your goal is to be a happy musician every time you touch your instrument, then you are on a road filled with disappointment when it’s time to play your scales for the 10,000^th time. But if your goal is to be an excellent musician, then there is satisfaction in doing the things that will help you reach that goal – even if it means playing scales repeatedly.

The Point: Joy only comes within the context of the hard work and discipline required to achieve a degree of excellence.

Targets

The goal of many parents is to produce happy children, but then they try to produce happy children outside of the context of holiness. Some parents believe they will make their children happy is by buying them things, sending them places, and giving them a pass when it comes to discipline.

When a parent’s main objective is to make a child happy, everything gets skewed and circles around an inappropriate axis – God is not the center, the child is. A parental game plan based on a child’s happiness instead of the fear of God and the pursuit of holiness, spells ruin for the child, the parents, and eventually for our community. Parents who make a child’s happiness the highest goal…

…turn into party planners instead of guides.
…allow indulgence, materialism and permissiveness to take over homes.
…will see the relationship between mom and dad deteriorate as the child’s happiness becomes an idol at the center of the family.
…will not raise happy children. They will produce self-centered, self-indulgent, unprincipled, undisciplined, ungodly, and aimless children, instead.
…will result in a child who views God like his parents: shapeless, edgeless, unprincipled and wholly devoted to his personal happiness. This child sees no greater good than everyone striving to make him happy. BUT, it’s never enough and the child is never happy.

God’s perspective on parenting is different in every way from the world’s. God is far more concerned with a child’s holiness than He is with their happiness. The Bible compares our Children to arrows. Last week we talked about how our job as parents is to make children straight and sharp so they stay on target when we launch them out of our homes.

Jim Elliot, the well-known martyr, once said:

…Remember how the psalmist described children. He said they were as a heritage from the Lord and that every man should be happy who had his quiver full of them.

And what is a quiver full of but arrows, and what are arrows for but to shoot. So with strong arms of prayer, draw the bowstring back and let the arrows fly, all of them straight at the enemy’s hosts.

Give of thy sons to bear the message glorious, give of thy wealth to spread them on their way, pour out thy soul for them in prayer victorious, and all thou spendest, Jesus will repay.”

The Christian parent has an altogether different target in parenting than the post-Christian culture around us. I thought it might be helpful if I wrote out my target for my family. Here it is:

The goal of parenting is to help every child see themselves as a servant of God, charged with the privilege and responsibility of learning how to use their lives for the glory of God. The context of parenting is not merely social acceptability or employment, but for equipping God’s children for God’s service. In this way, parenting is a high and holy calling.

God is more concerned with your child being holy than with him being happy… but He also knows that happiness is only found in the context of holiness. Biblical parenting features a completely different foundation than what we commonly find in our culture. Children are the happiest inside an environment with clearly defined rules – enforced with loving discipline. According to God’s Word:

Each of us exists primarily for the glory of God. True joy is found in an utter satisfaction with who God is, not with who we are.
The center of the universe is not the child, the parents, or the family. The center of the universe is God and it is right for everything to revolve around Him. Therefore, the purpose of the family is primarily to produce and train excellent servants of God.
Happiness is not the chief goal, but true joy is often found in the context of the discipline and the guidelines necessary for producing wholly devoted servants of God.
Joy-filled children are those who have been brought up with God-centered goals, values, and spiritual disciplines so that they can live life in the manner a skilled musician plays his instrument. When a child is given all the right skills, his life is much more full of joy.

Supernatural Training

Parents are called to champion the love of God, the reverence of God, the awe of God. We are to be examples of men and women who trust in God and who teach our children to do likewise. Challenge #1 from last week was to teach your children how to obey.

Challenge #1:

Teach your son to obey his parents.

If you are a child, the Bible tells you that it is your job to joyfully obey your mom and dad.

2 My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you,

Let me briefly touch on last’s week’s teaching: Children have a great deal to benefit from learning how to obey. Not only do they thrive in an environment where there is loving discipline, but the Bible says that the benefit of obedience is a long life. Proverbs 3:1-2 says:

3 My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, ²for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you.

On a literal level, this proverb describes a father speaking truth to his son and encouraging him to memorize his teaching. Last week we talked about how the family is a classroom where children learn how to live in a world that wants to destroy them. If the family is a classroom, then the father is the chief instructor.

Proverbs 4:10-13 has another picture of this relationship between fathers and sons. Hear, my son, and accept my words, that the years of your life may be many. ¹¹I have taught you the way of wisdom; I have led you in the paths of uprightness. ¹²When you walk, your step will not be hampered, and if you run, you will not stumble. ¹³Keep hold of instruction; do not let go; guard her, for she is your life.

Proverbs and Prodigals

I think it is fitting at this point to address families who have a prodigal child. Canyon has a huge heart for children who have been raised in Christian homes and who have wandered away from the faith. You and I know that some parents have taught their children well, yet their children still chose to walk away from their parent’s instruction. Proverbs calls parents to instruct – regardless of how children respond. It calls children to take their parent’s instructions seriously. It is up to the children if they are going to take their parent’s instruction to heart.

Consider these Biblical truths:

God formed Adam.
God walked and talked with Adam in the garden.
God instructed Adam very carefully.
God would have been the perfect parent, but Adam was not the perfect son.

Although he heard God’s perfect instructions and was perfectly provided for, he still chose to rebel and disregarded God’s commands. Sometimes a child is wayward because of bad parenting, but sometimes a child chooses sin over their parent’s instruction. Our job as parents is to straighten, sharpen, and prepare our kids to the very best of our ability. Then our job is to pray that the child will take our instructions to heart.

Godly Instruction, Taken to Heart

Godly instruction, taken to heart, will save a child from many potentially dangerous and even fatal situations, including:

Criminal activity
Venereal disease
Drug and alcohol abuse
Poverty
Violent friends
Miserable marriages

Godly instruction, taken to heart, produces a peace of mind based on a fear of God and a relationship with Jesus. The second challenge from last week was to teach your children how to fear God.

Challenge #2:

Teach your son to fear your God

Kids, this means you need to ask your parents about who God is and learn about God from them.

At the outset of biblical parenting is the high and holy target of teaching children how to fear, honor, and respect God with their lives:

The aim of biblical parenting is not primarily to produce children who are good citizens or good wage-earners.
The highest goal is not to teach a child a trade.
A Christian parent’s main concern is not primarily to protect the family’s reputation.

All those are fine achievements; most parents would love for their children to reach those goals. BUT citizenship, craftsmanship, and affluence aren’t the highest goal of Christian parenting. According to the scriptures, the highest target of parental instruction is to frequently teach and model for our children the fear of God.

2 My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, ²making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; ³yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, ⁴if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures,

HERE IS THE GOAL-THE HIGHEST TARGET…. ⁵then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.

⁶For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; ⁷he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, ⁸guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints.

Once a proper fear of the Lord is established, all other far inferior goals (like citizenship and craftsmanship) fall into their proper place. Our job, as parents, is to keep the main thing, the fear of the Lord, the main thing, and not to replace it with something inferior. How do we do that? If we want our children to be followers of Jesus, passionate in their pursuit of Him, then we need to model that behavior ourselves. They’ll be able to tell if we really follow Jesus or not. Kids can spot hypocrisy a mile away!

You and I are compelled to follow Jesus so enthusiastically that our children see how good it is to be a servant of the Most High God. In doing so, we need to surround both ourselves and our children with the kinds of people who will lift them up and help them to grow in their faith.

You and I need to carefully select our friends and model for our children how to choose close relationships. This truth begins our final challenges from Proverbs 2 for parents:

Challenge #3

Teach Your Son to Carefully Select His Friends

Kids, listen to your parents when they tell you to avoid someone at school.

Let’s read on in Proverbs 2

⁹Then you will understand righteousness and justice and equity, every good path; ¹⁰for wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; ¹¹discretion will watch over you, understanding will guard you,

12 delivering you from the way of evil, from men of perverted speech, 13 who forsake the paths of uprightness to walk in the ways of darkness, 14 who rejoice in doing evil and delight in the perverseness of evil, 15 men whose paths are crooked, and who are devious in their ways.

As a child approaches their teenage years, their friends become highly influential. A father has the primary responsibility to teach a son how to choose his friends. Parents, we need to get on the offensive. Teach your children how to intentionally choose friends, not to passively hang out with whoever comes along…

Sharpen

The apostle Paul says, “Bad company ruins good morals.” (1 Cor 15:33) When you are around other people who encourage good works, point you to Christ, and sharpen you as a man or woman of God you grow in your love for your family, you act more honorably in the community, and you excel in service to our King. Your children need those kind of friends too!

There was a student in my youth group who played the guitar. After he graduated, he began playing in a Christian band that played very heavy rock music. He was unprepared, and ill-equipped to stay on target in that hostile environment. His band had little accountability and a shaky spiritual foundation. Against their pastor’s advice (me), they took their Christian hard rock music into a hostile bar scene. It was not long before those bad influences led to drinking and this young man’s life began sink into a pit.

Paul said, “Bad company corrupts good morals.” A young person will rarely rise above their closest influences. Rarely does a child have the capacity to elevate themselves above the peer group in which they function. Make sure you don’t let your sons and daughters around people who rejoice in the perversity of evil, whose paths are crooked, and who are devious in their ways.

Men, dads, this passage calls us to protect our kids:

Be a lion.

Don’t throw them to the world.

Guard their integrity.

Instruct them in choosing companions who will lift them up, not tear them down.

Recap

So far God’s Word has given us three challenges. Let’s review before we move to the last challenge for parents. We’ve discussed how the family is a school to instruct our sons in the ways of discipline, in the fear of God, and in the choice of friends.

As we finish the passage, let’s talk briefly about the struggle with immorality both our sons and our daughters are facing. Young men are especially vulnerable to sexual immorality. Dads, you know that young men are going to have passions that will lead them to destruction unless they learn how to control their bodies.

Challenge #4

Teach Your Son How to Control His Body

Kids, self-control is a vital character trait.

Boys who are taught the ways of wisdom, are taught how to control their bodies. Dads, this is our job. Don’t pass it off to someone else. Let’s read on in Proverbs 2

Deliverance

Spiritual wisdom, which a father is supposed to teach his son, is often practical. It is able to deliver him from the forbidden woman. The forbidden woman flatters with her words and seduces the weak. Her paths lead to death.

You remember the old saying “all roads lead to Rome?” In this case, all paths of the forbidden woman lead to destruction and death. In Old Testament law, adultery was punishable by death. In the modern context, it often results in disease. Either way it destroys you, and it devastates families.

Why do so many young men trip up in this area? For some men, their momentary desire outweighs even their will to live. That’s how strong this temptation can be. Have you had a frank conversation with your son about purity? Men, if we don’t instruct our kids in the way of purity, the world will teach them the way of immorality instead. Nothing will make a young man lose his edge more quickly than falling into a trap of immorality.

Lara came to me this week and told me she had studied Proverbs 6:20-22. The last half of Proverbs 6 is largely a passage written to young men – warning them about the dangers of sexual immorality. Let’s turn there and read that passage together:

²⁰My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. ²¹Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck. ²²When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you.

She said when she read that verse, she prayed for our boys. She prayed that when they were the most vulnerable – when they were up to their neck in temptation – that they would remember and memorize the commands that I had given them in regard to temptation.

The Word says to bind them around your heart and tie them around your neck. The encouragement is for children to listen, memorize, and depend on their parents’ instruction they are most vulnerable.

Dads, talk to your kids about the dangers of sexual immorality.
Moms, support Dad’s training by praying for both your children and your husband.

Joy of Marriage

Don’t just teach your kids what NOT to do, teach them what TO do. You and I need to be living examples to our kids of how to love and protect our wives and families. Teach your children the joy of marriage. Teach your son to enjoy his wife and that she is a gift from God who is more precious than jewels. And you will teach him best if you lead by example and you enjoy and cherish your wife yourself.

Let’s finish off by reading the remainder of Proverbs 2:

Nest week we’ll be discussing in greater detail what Proverbs outlines for healthy, God-exalting marriages.

Conclusion

This morning we added two more challenges the Lord gives us as parents. I feel that it is appropriate to end by giving this final charge.

If you fail to teach your son how to choose his friends, the devil will gladly choose his friends for him.
If you fail to teach you son how to control his body, the devil will teach him to completely give it over to his passions.

We have a great responsibility to this generation and to generation to come as fathers to straighten and sharpen our sons in the way of wisdom.

Prayer

Lord, we thank you for your word and its clear instruction to us as fathers and as examples. I pray for every father that is here that he would be faithful to teach his son in the way of righteousness. Lord protect our children. Extend you grace to the areas where we fall short and be the great protector and shield for every family represented in this room…amen

The Way of Wisdom – Part 2 | Proverbs 2, Psalm 127:3-5

Musicians and Training