Instructing Our Children in the Way of Wisdom

Proverbs 2

2 My son, if you receive my words     and treasure up my commandments with you, 2 making your ear attentive to wisdom     and inclining your heart to understanding; 3 yes, if you call out for insight     and raise your voice for understanding, 4 if you seek it like silver     and search for it as for hidden treasures, 5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord     and find the knowledge of God. 6 For the Lord gives wisdom;     from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; 7 he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;     he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, 8 guarding the paths of justice     and watching over the way of his saints. 9 Then you will understand righteousness and justice     and equity, every good path; 10 for wisdom will come into your heart,     and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; 11 discretion will watch over you,     understanding will guard you, 12 delivering you from the way of evil,     from men of perverted speech, 13 who forsake the paths of uprightness     to walk in the ways of darkness, 14 who rejoice in doing evil     and delight in the perverseness of evil, 15 men whose paths are crooked,     and who are devious in their ways.

16 So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman,     from the adulteress with her smooth words, 17 who forsakes the companion of her youth     and forgets the covenant of her God; 18 for her house sinks down to death,     and her paths to the departed; 19 none who go to her come back,     nor do they regain the paths of life.

20 So you will walk in the way of the good     and keep to the paths of the righteous. 21 For the upright will inhabit the land,     and those with integrity will remain in it, 22 but the wicked will be cut off from the land,     and the treacherous will be rooted out of it.

Father of Two Boys

Someone once said that a father is the guy who carries pictures where his money used to be. As a father of two boys and a girl, there are lessons here in Proverbs that are particularly potent for me.

Painful divorces, untimely deaths, family dysfunction and a drift away from Biblical principles have taken their toll on the role of the fathers in my family. Fatherhood is a front line battle.  In today’s culture, it’s particularly challenging to be a godly father; the role of father is systematically attacked and destroyed.  Lara and I feel like we’ve had to start from scratch to establish our family on God’s Word.

Arrows

The Bible is brimming with wisdom and counsel for parents. Did you know that Psalm 127 was written by Solomon? In it, he gives us a very helpful metaphor.  Verses 3-5 say:

³ Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,     the fruit of the womb a reward. ⁴ Like arrows in the hand of a warrior     are the children of one’s youth. ⁵ Blessed is the man     who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame     when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

The Bible never describes children as “bundles of joy,” or as “packages of problems.” Look at how Solomon describe children in Psalm 127:

• “a heritage from the Lord”
• “a reward”
• “arrows in the hand of a warrior”

This psalm gives us insight into how God views the role of children in a family.  The Holy Spirit inspired Solomon to compare children to an arrow.  Why does he choose that comparison? What does somebody do with an arrow?

• Do you shine an arrow, fluff its feathers and admire it?
• Do you keep a collection of arrows in your quiver forever? (arrow hoarder)
• Do you set the arrow in the ground and say “Go get the target, boy! Go on… Hit that target!”

Of course these are silly suggestions. The reality is that arrows are made to hit targets.  That target might be a bullseye, tonight’s dinner or the enemy attacking our city.  Regardless of what the target is, the purpose of an arrow is to be shot by the archer and to hit a target dead on.

In order to hit the target, the arrow needs to be straight and sharp, or it might veer off course. The archer does not ensure the quality of the arrow in order to admire its straightness.  His prime concern is not making sure the arrow feels good about how straight and sharp it is. The archer straightens and sharpens the arrow so that the arrow can do what it is intended to do.  The purpose of the arrow is to hit and penetrate its target.

• What is your target for your children or grandchildren?
• Men, what is your goal for your family?
• What does excellence look like in your home?
• How would you identify and correct a bent, crooked, dull or broken child?
• What is your role in straightening and sharpening your children so that they’ll hit the mark when they’re launched into the world?

The Scofield reference Bible titles the first nine chapters of Proverbs, “Fatherly Exhortations Mainly to the Young.” Some scholars believe that Proverbs was written by Solomon to his son Rehoboam so that he would recall his father’s teaching when he took over the throne.  Proverbs was written by Solomon as he was actively trying to straighten and sharpen his sons.  Proverbs 2 specifically speaks to fathers and the sharpening of their sons.

• There are definitely implications for grandparents and for daughters.
• Some have suggested that this passage can be seen as the Lord instructing us, His children.
• However, the passage is written in the context of a father instructing a son, so today, we’ll stay within that context

Weight of Fatherhood

Men, we need to feel the heavy weight of fatherhood’s responsibilities. Today’s scripture compels us to champion our role as heads of households, as fathers, as leaders, as husbands, as instructors and as living examples!  Our society has torn down the role of the father with devastating force.  Its recovery will take a new generation of men like me and you who are willing to stand up and say, “ENOUGH.”

-Enough Dysfunction

-Enough Divorce

-Enough failed families … we’re done

As for me and MY house, we will serve the Lord. We will serve Jesus as our King.  We will no longer give in to the world.  Instead, we will live as those transformed by the renewing power of Christ.

Tragedy upon Tragedy

If our cultural pattern of fatherhood continues as it is, it will visit tragedy upon tragedy to generations of children. Men, it’s time to step up. It’s time for us to take action and lead our families in God’s righteousness.  Today we begin with four challenges to fathers from Proverbs 2.  These principles are helpful for sharpening, straightening and training our sons.  Men, the family is a classroom and you are the primary instructor.

Proverbs 2:1-4

My son, if you receive my words     and treasure up my commandments with you, 2 making your ear attentive to wisdom     and inclining your heart to understanding; 3 yes, if you call out for insight     and raise your voice for understanding, 4 if you seek it like silver     and search for it as for hidden treasures,

5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord     and find the knowledge of God. The family is God’s basic school for instructing children how to live in the world.

Proverbs 1:7-9

7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge;     fools despise wisdom and instruction.

8 Hear, my son, your father’s instruction,     and forsake not your mother’s teaching, 9 for they are a graceful garland for your head     and pendants for your neck.

Involved Fathers

This passage does not tell fathers to instruct and mothers to change diapers. It does not say, “Fathers work in the office and have no responsibility with their children.” It says, “fathers instruct, mothers teach.” Left to their own devices, children will be broken, dull, crooked and unprepared for life.  If we don’t guide our kids they will eat junk food, play video games, watch TV and fight all day long.  It is the role of the parent to get them ready to launch.

Cow Birth Illustration

Life-skills do not come very naturally for our children.  My relatives own a dairy in the Bakersfield area.  I remember visiting one summer and watching in wonder at the birth of a calf.  Within minutes, this little cow was capable of standing and walking.  No one is consulted at the birth of a calf, they are born naturally and know where to go for nourishment.

Few Things Natural

So few things come naturally to our children. Kids have to practice the most basic skills of walking, talking and eating.  We have to teach them how to behave in social situations and to understand the value of good manners. Good parents are constantly straightening their children. But the most critical area where a child must be straightened and sharpened is in their relationship with God.

Forcing Religion

I’ve heard too many families say things like, “I don’t want to force religion on my children…I’ll let them discover their beliefs for themselves.” Their false striving for authenticity disregards God’s clear instruction for Fathers to teach their sons in the ways of the Lord. The family is God’s school for this huge undertaking – We are called to teach the next generation how to live in this world and how to be ready for the next.

Natural Training

The non-spiritual training of children has importance. Kids need to understand how to hold their spoon, walk, tie their shoes, and read.  We need to teach kids to look both ways, how to throw a ball and how to drive a car.  We want them to succeed in sports.  Someday, we want them to get married and provide for their families

None of the things I just mentioned are uniquely Christian. Most secular households have these exact same goals for their kids.  Some are doing them better than Christians do. What makes a Christian household different from a non-Christian home? Shouldn’t believers have a higher goal – a better target – than the secular world around us? Let me suggest this as a higher goal for our homes:

The goal of parenting is to help every child see themselves as a servant of God, charged with the privilege and responsibility of learning how to use their lives for the glory of God. The context of parenting is not merely social acceptability or employment, but for equipping children for God’s service. In this way, parenting is a high and holy calling.

Supernatural Training

Fathers are called to champion the love of God, the reverence of God and the awe of God.  We are to be an example of men who trust in God and who teach their sons to do likewise. How do we create an environment for instruction? We begin with God-honoring discipline.

That brings us to challenge #1:

Teach your son to obey his parents.

If you are a child, the Bible tells you that it is your job to joyfully obey your mom and dad.

Air Conditioner

Children do not obey naturally. They must be taught.

I remember the day Trenton tested us for the first time. We had an air conditioner in the back yard and we asked him not to touch it.  He could understand the instruction.  One day he toddled over to it, looked right at us and poked it with his finger….I’m sure he wanted to see exactly what we’d do about it.  That day began a process of driving rebellion out of Trenton’s heart with the rod of discipline.

A Call to Obey

If you are a kid here today, I want to remind you that your parents have your best interest in mind. Over and over again, the Bible tells kids to listen to and to obey their parents:

• Proverbs 2:1 Receive my words, treasure my commandments
• Proverbs 3:1 Do not forget my teaching, Keep my commandments
• Proverbs 4:1 Hear your father’s instructions, be attentive

In Ephesians 6:1, Paul tells us that this commandment comes with a promise: “² “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), ³ “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”  It’s the first commandment with a promise: the promise of a long life.  Teaching children to obey means discipline.  Discipline is a matter of life and death.  When you teach a child to obey, you are helping that child to live!

Love Disciplines

If you love your son, you will coach, guide, encourage and instruct and when he needs it. You’ll discipline him, reprimand him and rebuke him. The man who refuses to discipline his son, refuses to love his son.  This is not discipline done in anger or frustration, but in love for the intentional purpose of removing foolishness from his heart, making him straight and sharp so that he has a proper fear of God.

That brings us to challenge #2:

Teach your son to fear your God

Kids, this means you need to ask your parents about who God is and learn from them.

Proverbs 2:5-11

5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord     and find the knowledge of God. 6 For the Lord gives wisdom;     from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; 7 he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;     he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, 8 guarding the paths of justice     and watching over the way of his saints. 9 Then you will understand righteousness and justice     and equity, every good path; 10 for wisdom will come into your heart,     and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; 11 discretion will watch over you,     understanding will guard you,

Upwards

Many kids in the American church are confused about what it means to fear God. I coached basketball three years ago for a Christian league called Upwards.  During every practice, we took out ten minutes to do a devotional with the kids.  I was teaching one day on the topic of the Fear of God.

A boy on the team was bewildered and said that he thought we were only supposed to love God…certainly the Bible does not teach us to be afraid of God. Another student piped up and said that fear means reverence and respect.  That is part of the equation, but not really the whole thing

Fear of God: Positively Defined

So what does the Bible mean by “the fear of the Lord”?  It does have a positive, reverential aspect to it.  We are compelled by the very nature of who God is to stand in awe and respect of His glory and magnificence.  That means I am compelled to teach my son what God is like…to teach him God’s attributes:

• God is powerful
• God is Holy
• God knows everything
• God is present everywhere
• God is immutable – meaning that he does not change
• God is perfectly just
• God is merciful
• God abounds in steadfast love
• God is kind
• God is loving
• God created everything
• God is gracious
• God is in control. Sometimes we say that He is sovereign – meaning that He providentially orders all circumstances of human history and of the universe for our good and His glory

I am compelled by the awesome nature of who our God is, to teach my son a reverence of God.

Fear of God’s Wrath

One the other hand, God’s word also speaks in great detail about His wrath. God has an obligation to punish sin and my son is right to fear God’s displeasure.  With a proper understanding of God’s holy character, there is also a healthy apprehension when it comes to sin.  A child needs to understand that God is holy and will punish sin.

Are you a living example of the fear of God for our boys to follow? Do you understand that God has the right and obligation to punish your sin? Do you live to avoid God’s displeasure? Our sons will learn more from our example than from our words.

Sin Feared

It’s also true that when God is feared, so is sin.  Sin is feared when God is feared.  Sin causes the arrow to veer off course.  Sin can cause children to be broken.  Sin displeases God.  It can shorten a child’s life.  Therefore, sin is to be avoided at all costs.  However, many promises abounds for those who fear God, walk in integrity and avoid sin.  Proverbs 2 says for the man who is upright, straight and sharp:

• God is his shield
• He watches over him
• He grants wisdom

Elsewhere in Proverbs, the man who fears God often has these blessings:

• Prolonged life – a rich, full life
• A treasure more profitable than wealth
• Satisfying sleep
• Deliverance from evil
• Confidence
• Praise
• Answered Prayers

Do you want these things for your son? Then teach your son to fear God and then teach him to carefully select his friends

Challenge #3

Teach your son to carefully select his friends

Kids, listen to your parents when they tell you to avoid a kids at school.

Let’s read on in Proverbs 2

12 delivering you from the way of evil,     from men of perverted speech, 13 who forsake the paths of uprightness     to walk in the ways of darkness, 14 who rejoice in doing evil     and delight in the perverseness of evil, 15 men whose paths are crooked,     and who are devious in their ways.

As a child approaches their teenage years, their friends become highly influential. A father has the responsibility to teach a son how to choose his friends. Men, get on the offensive.  Teach your son how to intentionally choose friends, not to passively hang out with whoever comes along.

Sharpen

The apostle Paul says, “Bad company ruins good morals.” (1 Cor 15:33) You know that when you are around other men who encourage good works, point you to Christ and sharpen you as a man of God that you grow in your love for your family, you act honorably in the community and excel in service to our King.  Your son needs those kind of friends, too!

There was a student in my youth group who played the guitar. After he graduated, he began playing in a Christian band that played heavy rock music.  He was unprepared, and ill-equipped to stay on target in that hostile environment.  His band had no accountability and a shaky spiritual foundation.  Regardless, they took their Christian hard rock music to the hostile bar scene.  It was not long around these influences before he started drinking and his life began sink into a pit.

Bad company corrupts good morals. A young man will rarely rise above his closest influences. Rarely does a child have the capacity to elevate himself above his peer group. Make sure you don’t let your sons around men who delight in doing evil and rejoice in the perversity of evil.  Their paths are crooked and they are devious in their ways.

Be a lion.

Don’t throw them to the world.

Guard their integrity.

You instruct your sons to intentionally choose friends who will lift them up.

Recap

So far God’s Word has given us three challenges. Let’s review before we move to the last challenge for fathers.  We’ve discussed how the family is a school to instruct our sons

• in the ways of discipline,
• in the fear of God and
• in the choice of his friends.

As we finish the passage, dads, you know that young men are going to have passions that will lead them to destruction unless they learn how to control their bodies.

Challenge #4

Teach your son how to control his body.

Kids, self-control is a vital character trait.

Boys who are taught the ways of wisdom, are taught to control their bodies. Dads, this is our job.  Don’t pass it off to someone else. Let’s read on in Proverbs 2

16 So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman,     from the adulteress with her smooth words, 17 who forsakes the companion of her youth     and forgets the covenant of her God; 18 for her house sinks down to death,     and her paths to the departed; 19 none who go to her come back,     nor do they regain the paths of life.

Deliverance

The writer is talking about wisdom, the spiritual wisdom which a father is supposed to teach his son. It is able to deliver him from the forbidden woman who flatters with her words and seduces the weak.  Her path lead s to death.

You remember the old saying “all roads lead to Rome?” In this case, all paths of the forbidden woman lead to destruction and death.  In Old Testament law, adultery was punishable by death.  In the modern context, it often results in disease.  Either way it destroys you and devastates families.

Why do so many young men trip up in this area?  For some men, their momentary desire outweighs even their will to live.   Have you had a frank conversation with your son about purity? Men, if you and I don’t instruct our kids in the way of purity, the world will teach them the way of immorality instead.  Nothing will make a young man lose his edge more quickly than falling into a trap of immorality.

But, don’t just teach him what NOT to do, teach him what TO do. You and I need to be living examples to our son of how to love and protect our wives and families.

Joy of Marriage

Teach your son the joy of marriage. Teach your son to enjoy his wife. She is a gift from God who is more precious than jewels.  You will teach him best if you lead by example, enjoying and cherishing your wife.

Let’s finish off by reading the remainder of Proverbs 2:

20 So you will walk in the way of the good     and keep to the paths of the righteous. 21 For the upright will inhabit the land,     and those with integrity will remain in it, 22 but the wicked will be cut off from the land,     and the treacherous will be rooted out of it.

Conclusion

These are just four challenges the Lord gives us as fathers. As a father, this passage greatly challenges me.  I feel I have the duty to wrap up by giving this final charge.

• If you fail to teach your son to obey, the devil will teach him how to rebel and in doing so, he’ll break your heart
• If you fail to teach your son to fear God, the devil will gladly teach him to have an open mind to all the things of this fallen world.
• If you fail to teach your son how to choose his friends, the devil will gladly choose his friends for him.
• If you fail to teach you son how to control his body, the devil will teach him to completely give it over to his passions.

We have a great responsibility to this generation and to generation to come as fathers to straighten and sharpen our sons in the way of wisdom.

Prayer

Lord, we thank you for your word and its clear instruction to us as fathers and as examples. I pray for every father here, that he would be faithful to teach his sons in the way of righteousness.  Lord, protect our children.  Extend your grace to the areas where we fall short.  Be the great protector and shield for every family represented here in this room…amen