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Pastor Mark Stafford

 

Many of you are concerned because marriage and the traditional family are becoming less and less important in our culture. There is a systematic deterioration of the family unit. It is being redefined, ridiculed, and in many cases, tossed aside.

Is marriage worth fighting for? Why is marriage so important? Why should a couple get married and not just live together? What does marriage offer that other relationships don’t? The answer to these questions lies at the heart of the current attempts to redefine a “traditional household.”

I recently came across a secular article that tried to answer these questions. When asked why people should get married, it responded with answers like these:

  • Statistically, if I get married, I’ll live longer and make more money
  • If I get married young it means that I’ll have a date when I’m older
  • Marriage means tax breaks and lower insurance premiums
  • Being a parent is a good experience that I’d like to have
  • If I’m married, I’ll have someone to help me get through tough times
  • Having spouse will help me become a better person
  • If I’m married, I’ll experience more affection and intimacy

Every one of these responses is from what I’ll call the “recreational” view of marriage.  This view centers around the romance, love, and affection in the relationship.

This is the most prevalent view of marriage in today’s culture and it is distressingly unbiblical. The focus of a recreational marriage is, “What’s in it for me?”  If the fun ever runs out, then this marriage is in serious trouble.  Making disciples or raising a family takes a back seat to the recreation of the married couple

The Bible promotes what I’ll call the “multiplication” view of marriage.  It is oriented on multiplying new disciples as a result of the relationship.  Spouses are growing as disciples.  Children are brought up as disciples.  Extended relationships connected to the marriage are in the context of discipleship.  Personal satisfaction and companionship fall within the larger goal of raising up the next generation in godliness.

When Jesus gave us the Great Commission, He challenged every person in this room to be intentional with their lives and fight hard in an all-out effort make disciples. Disciple-making is not accidental.  It is hard work and it is the natural by-product of people who are really committed to Jesus.

Just like healthy marriages usually raise up children, normal healthy Christ-followers normally raise up disciples. If you aren’t producing a disciple right now, then you might not be a very healthy or mature Christ-follower.

In a Biblical, “multiplication” marriage, husbands and wives grow in their love for Jesus as they grow in their relationship with one another. Couples have a unique ability to disciple and influence their own children as well as the other children they come into contact with.

The natural byproduct of a healthy marriage is not just children, but a family unit full of growing disciples. God patterned marriages after Christ’s love for the church and his goal for every marriage is to fill the earth with worshippers of Jesus.

Fight to Produce New Worshippers

If the goal is to help fill the earth with new worshippers, then couples with children, couples without children, and single people all play a significant part of this important endeavor.

  • You don’t need your own children to train new worshippers.
  • Discipling of both those who are young and those who came to Christ at a later age are included.
  • Single people who can never have a child of their own are also able to be part of this process… so nobody is left on the side lines in the church’s primary objective of making disciples of Christ.

Sometimes these new disciples come naturally in a marriage in the form of babies. In that case, the goal of every parent is to develop babies into worshippers of Jesus.

The meaning of marriage in relation to children is not simply, “make children,” but “raise children who are disciples.”  Just as churches are intended to produce disciples, families are also intended to produce disciples.  But… having and raising your own children is not necessarily the only way to accomplish this objective.

Our Objective

First, it is important to understand that God’s original plan in creation was for men and women to marry and have children. Having children and training them up as disciples is part of God’s will for many people.

Second, getting married and having children is not an absolute calling for every person or every couple. Couples typically have children.  Having children is good.  It’s painful.  It’s wonderful.  But, having children of your own is by no means an absolute calling for every person.  Being a disciple and making disciples is an absolute calling for every believer – whether they are married or not.

#1 Fight to Disciple Your Children

The byproduct of most Christian marriages is the birth of children. The Bible clearly calls parents to be committed to raising those children as disciples of Christ and worshippers of the most high God.  Let’s go back to God’s original design for the family in Genesis 1:26-28

26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

27 So God created man in his own image,     in the image of God he created him;     male and female he created them.

28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Simply filling up the earth with warm bodies could not have been God’s only objective here. Here’s why I say that: later in Genesis, God destroyed most of the earth’s population.  God was looking for worshippers, not more people.  Most of the people who were populating the earth at the time were ignoring God, so God destroyed the Earth in a huge flood.  Only Noah and his family were left.

After the flood, God told Noah to fill up the earth with families who would honor, worship, and fear Him. Genesis 9:1 says, “God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.”  The stated Old Testament purpose in filling the earth was so that it would be “filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord as the waters cover the sea” (Hab. 2:14).

It has always been honorable to produce children who love, honor, and fear the Lord. Consider the writings of Solomon.

  • In Proverbs 1:7, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
  • In Proverbs 3:7, “Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.”
  • In Proverbs 14:26, “In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge.”
  • In Proverbs 24:21 “21 My son, fear the Lord and the king, and do not join with those who do otherwise…”

The man who fills his house with children who fear the Lord is richly blessed by the Lord. Solomon wrote Psalm 127, which says, “4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. 5 Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”

Let’s fast forward to the New Testament. When people were brought their children to Jesus, the disciples were annoyed.  They wrongly assumed that the Gospel was primarily for adults.  Jesus didn’t see it that way.

No one was more positive about the training and discipleship of children than Jesus himself. Mark recalls the interaction between Jesus and children in Mark 10:13-14, “13 And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. 14 But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.”  Jesus’ huge emphasis on the discipleship of children underscores the necessity of effective children’s discipleship in every family and in every church body.

The Bible places a HUGE value on raising and training children to be life-long disciples of Jesus. This is best done in the context of a home. There is a special blessing on families who feel the calling to raise both small families and large families, filled with children, who are constantly being straightened and sharpened and conformed to the image of Christ. One of the great responsibilities of married couple is to have children and to them raise those children to be worshippers of Jesus!

The normal pattern in a household is to have children and raise them in the Lord, I am well-aware that there are some households where God has not granted children, for either natural or circumstantial reasons. Having children is not the ultimate goal of marriage. The ultimate goal of marriage is worshipping Jesus and making disciples. The ultimate goal of Life is worshipping Jesus

#2 Fight to Worship Jesus by Being a Disciple and Making Disciples.

The decision about whether or not to get married or have children ultimately depends on the answer to these two questions:

  1. What will bring the most glory to my Savior, Jesus Christ?!
  2. How do I best be a disciple and make disciples?

For some of you, the best way to serve the Lord is by being single and pouring out your life in serving and loving others. For others, the best way for you to serve the Lord is by building households centered on Jesus and the raising of children.

There is a tension in the Bible between the question of whether or not to marry: In Genesis 2:18 God says, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Does that mean that every man needs to marry?

Consider the other side described by Paul: Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:7, “7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” And then in verse 25-28 he says, “25 Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.”

Different gifts and callings are given to different people. Marriage and children are not right for all people.

According to Paul, singleness is a tremendous gift. He says that a single person is spared from many worldly troubles and is unrestricted in fulfilling the work of the Lord without the ongoing responsibilities of raising a family.  Marriage is not absolutely necessary for all people.

So it is with having children. God commanded us to “be fruitful and fill the earth.” It is good, and right, and noble for a Christian family to raise children as disciples of Christ, but it’s not absolutely necessary.  Not every person is called to have their own children in their homes.

What is absolutely necessary is the pursuit of new spiritual children, not necessarily new natural children.  Here’s what I mean:  it is God’s directive to every disciple to both be a disciple and to make a disciple.  Marriage is not just about having children.  Marriage is about training up new disciples.

What we are all called to pursue- whether we are married with children, married without children, or single – is train up new spiritual children as we are growing in the Lord ourselves.  We are called to be a disciple and make disciples.  God calls His church to multiply worshippers.

How to Raise Disciples…

In last few minutes we have left, let’s focus in with razor precision on how God intends for us to use our marriages to create disciples.  We are going to spend the rest of our time looking at how a husband and wife, living together in the home, are designed to train up new disciples.

Ephesians 6:1-4 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”  Let me offer you a few brief observations about parental discipleship from this text:

Fight to Use Your Marriage as a Discipleship Tool

#1 The father in the home has the primary discipleship responsibility. The father is primarily responsible for bringing up children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

The passage does not say, “Moms, instruct your children and drag Dad to church.” It says “parents” and it specifically calls out men.  It says, “Fathers… bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”  God designed a family so that fathers have a leading responsibility when it comes to the discipleship of children.

Some men are checking out right now. They figure they don’t know the first thing about the Bible.

  • “I know how to fix a motor and how to throw a football.”
  • “The Bible is your thing, Pastor. You might know how to do that, but I don’t have a clue.”

Dads, let me suggest four simple ways that you can practically disciple your children:

Read the Bible and Share With Your Kids

Example: You’re driving with your son and you say, “Hey I was reading the Bible the other day, and I came across something interesting.” Then share that truth with your child.  What that communicates to your child is that you – one of the most influential people in their lives – think that the Bible is important.  It is so important that you are reading it and sharing with them.

Lead a family devotional time

Example: Set aside a time once or twice a week to do a devotional together with your family. When you open the Bible with your family, it is powerful.  When kids hear their dad reading from God’s Word, it communicates to them that the Bible is important, valuable, and authoritative.

Take Your Family to Church

Example: Too often, mom is dragging the family to church. Dad, lead your family spiritually when you get up early on Sunday.

  • You put on coffee.
  • You start breakfast.
  • You wake up the kids and make should they get to church on time.

When dad makes church and spiritual discipleship a priority in the family, then children are trained to take the things of the Lord seriously.

Don’t Pass if off to Someone Else

Example: Don’t assume that if you get them to church or you enroll them in a Christian school that the hard work of discipleship is done. From the beginning, discipleship has always been a man’s responsibility.  Deut. 6:6-7 says, “6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

#2 Mom and Dad Are Called to Fight Side-by-Side for Discipleship

In Ephesians 6, both parents are called to be the object of the child’s honor. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right…” You can hear the responsibility of both parents in  Proverbs 6:20-22 when it says,

“20 My son, keep your father’s commandment,     and forsake not your mother’s teaching. 21 Bind them on your heart always;     tie them around your neck. 22 When you walk, they will lead you;     when you lie down, they will watch over you;     and when you awake, they will talk with you.”

What happens if only mom is saved? That make me think of Timothy, Paul’s young disciple, who served as the pastor of the Ephesian church for a season. You may recall the young Timothy had a father who was a Greek. It is likely that he was not saved. It is mentioned in the scripture that he was discipled by his mother and his grandmother.

Unity in discipleship is not always possible because sometimes there is one spouse who is not a believer. If one parent is not a believer, then discipleship falls on the other parent.  But unity in discipleship is God’s design.  The goal of raising your children biblically is simply this:

To raise that child “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

After that process is finished, you pull that child back with the strong arms of prayer, and together, you launch them out into the world so that they go out and impact the world for Christ. The chief task of parenting is for children to know God and then to be sent out into the world to worship God by making more disciples.

Conclusion/ Application

God has ordained that both mother and father are involved and unified in the raising and discipleship of children. Before they were mom and dad they were united as husband and wife.  Inside the deep covenant relationship of a marriage is the most effective place for children to understand God’s love for them.  As they watch the drama of sacrificial love played out every day between their mom and dad, they might just catch a glimpse of God’s love for them.

They might come to know God’s love and then to be blown away by it! A good marriage fights to help children understand God’s deep love for them. Once a child sees and understands God’s love, they have the foundation they need to grow in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.  These kind of children are trained up by God-fearing parents so they can spend a lifetime worshipping Jesus, making disciples and glorifying God with their lives.