Fight for Your Sons – Psalm 127, Proverbs 2

Any day now, Lara and I are expecting the arrival of our 4th child, Owen.  Owen is named after two significant Owens – one in literature and one in history.  Owen Meany was a fictional literary character who believed he was God’s instrument on Earth and he gave his life sacrificially for the protection of others.  John Owen was a Puritan Theologian who was known for his depth and all-out pursuit of holiness.  Both are worthy namesakes.

This is my last teaching before I take a couple weeks off to welcome Owen James into our family and help our family adjust to having a new baby at home. The thought of having a baby again after not having diapers in our house for almost a decade is a bit overwhelming, so this morning I wrote a teaching for myself and I’m inviting you to listen in.  I hope that God will speak to you through what He is speaking to me during this new season of my life.

According to my limited, and somewhat biased, internet research, most people in America consider a family of six to be an officially “large” family, so what does God’s Word have to say to men leading large families like mine?

Arrows

The Bible is brimming over with encouraging counsel and wisdom for parents, especially for dads. This morning, we’ll be considering some of what Solomon had to say about parenting.  Last week, I shared with you Psalm 127, in which Solomon gives an important perspective for those of us who are leading larger families.  Psalm 127:3-5 says:

3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,     the fruit of the womb a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior     are the children of one’s youth. 5 Blessed is the man     who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame     when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

The Bible never describes children as either “bundles of joy,” or as “packages of problems.” Look at how Solomon describe children in Psalm 127:

  • “a heritage from the Lord”
  • “a reward”
  • “arrows in the hand of a warrior”

This psalm gives a good insight into how God views the role of children within the family. The Holy Spirit inspired Solomon to compare children to an arrow. Why does he use that comparison? What does somebody do with an arrow?

  • Do you shine an arrow, fluff its feathers, and admire it?
  • Do you keep a collection of arrows in your quiver forever? (arrow hoarder)
  • Do you set an arrow in the ground and say “Go get the target boy! Go on… Hit that target!”

Of course, those are all silly suggestions. The reality is that the purpose of an arrow is to be shot at a target.  That target might be a bullseye, tonight’s dinner, or the enemy coming to attack our city.  Regardless of what the target is, the purpose of an arrow is to be shot accurately by the archer and to hit a target dead on.

In order to achieve that task, we need a straight arrow and a clear target.

  • ARROW: The arrow itself needs to be straight and sharp, or it might veer off course.
    • The archer does not ensure the quality of the arrow in order to admire the straightness arrow.
    • The archer’s prime concern is not making sure the arrow feels good about its straightness or sharpness.
    • The archer straightens and sharpens the arrow in order to ensure the arrow is doing what it is intended to do.
    • The purpose of the arrow is it hit and penetrate its target.
  • TARGET: We need to know what we are shooting for. Zig Ziglar has a famous quote that says, “If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.” However, if we set up clear objectives for our families, we will be able to measure our success in achieving those goals.

The default goal of most parents is to produce happy children, but then they try to do this outside of the context of holiness. (John Owen would never go for this approach). Some parents believe that the way that will make their children happy is by buying them things, sending them places and by ignoring them when it comes to discipline.

When a parent’s main objective is to make a child happy, everything gets skewed. God is not the center, the child is.  Let me suggest that a child is not weighty enough to be at the center of a family.  Consider this illustration:

Compared to Earth, the Sun is enormous! It contains 99.86% of all of the mass of the entire Solar System. The Sun is 864,400 miles across, which is about 109 times the diameter of Earth. The Sun weighs about 333,000 times as much as Earth. It is so large that about 1,300,000 planet Earths can fit inside of it. Earth is about the size of an average sunspot!

[1]

The sun is so massive that is it sufficient to keep all the other planets in their orbits. What would happen if the sun was replaced with a much smaller heavenly body? Let’s say we tossed aside the sun and put Pluto in the middle of our solar system instead?

It doesn’t take a scientist to figure out that the weightiness of Pluto would be insufficient to keep the rest of the universe in order. If you take the Sun out of the center, the whole system falls apart.

In the same way, families are designed to have Christ at the center. When Jesus is at the center of families, His weight is enough to hold a family together.  If we take Jesus out of the center and replace him with a child, the whole family structure falls apart.

The Bible compares our children to arrows, not to suns. Our job as parents is to make them straight and sharp so they stay on target when we launch them out of our homes.

God’s perspective on parenting is different in every way than the world’s perspective. God is far more concerned with a child’s holiness than He is with their happiness.  John Owen said,

“I hope I may own in sincerity that my heart’s desire unto God, and the chief design of my life . . . are, that mortification [or killing of sin] and universal holiness may be promoted in my own and in the hearts and ways of others, to the glory of God, so that the Gospel of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ may be adorned in all things.”[2]

The Christian parent has a holier and altogether different parenting target than the post-Christian culture around us. I thought it might be helpful if I wrote out my target for my family.  Here it is:

My goal as a parent is to help every one of my children to see themselves as a servant of God, charged with the privilege and responsibility of learning how to use their lives for the glory of God. The context of my parenting is not merely social acceptability or employment, but equipping God’s children for God’s service. In this way, my role as a parent is a high and holy calling.

God is more concerned with your child being holy than with him being happy… but He also knows that happiness is only found in the context of holiness. Biblical parenting features a completely different foundation than what we commonly find in our culture.  Children are the happiest inside an environment with clearly defined rules – enforced with loving discipline.  According to God’s Word:

The center of the universe is not the child, the parents, or the family. The center of the universe is God and it is right for everything to revolve around Him.  Therefore, the purpose of the family is primarily to produce and train excellent servants of God.

So this morning, I want to define for myself my goal in raising up Owen. That began with establishing a target for our family that I just shared with you.  Now let’s look at the way God tells me to shape and strengthen him so when he’s older he might hit the target.

To do that, I want to look at God’s exhortation to fathers in Proverbs 2.

The Scofield reference Bible titles the first 9 chapters of Proverbs, “Fatherly Exhortations Mainly to the Young.” Some scholars believe that Proverbs was written by Solomon to his son Rehoboam so that he would not forget his father’s teaching when he became king.  Proverbs was written by Solomon as he was actively trying to straighten and sharpen his own sons.  Proverbs 2 speaks specifically to fathers about the sharpening of their sons.

  • Certainly there are implications for daughters
  • There are definitely implications for grandparents.
  • Some have suggested that this passage can be seen as the Lord instructing us, His Children.
  • However, the passage is written in the context of a father instructing a son, so today, we’ll keep our teaching largely within that context

Challenge #1:

Teach your son how to obey

If you are a child, the Bible tells you that it is your job to joyfully obey your mom and dad.

2 My son, if you receive my words     and treasure up my commandments with you,

My children have a great deal to benefit from learning how to obey. Not only do they thrive in an environment where there is loving discipline, but the Bible says that the benefit of obedience is a long life.  Proverbs 3:1-2 says:

3 My son, do not forget my teaching,     but let your heart keep my commandments, 2 for length of days and years of life     and peace they will add to you.

On a literal level, this proverbs describes a model of a father speaking truth to his son and encouraging the son to memorize his teaching. The family is a classroom where children learn how to live in a world that wants to destroy them.  In this classroom, the father is the chief instructor.

Proverbs chapter 4:10-13 has another picture of this relationship between fathers and sons.

Hear, my son, and accept my words,     that the years of your life may be many. 11 I have taught you the way of wisdom;     I have led you in the paths of uprightness. 12 When you walk, your step will not be hampered,     and if you run, you will not stumble. 13 Keep hold of instruction; do not let go;     guard her, for she is your life.

Proverbs and Prodigals

I think it is fitting at this point to address the possibility of a prodigal child. I might give Owen tremendous instructions from the faith and he might choose to ignore those instructions.  Proverbs calls parents to instruct, regardless of how children respond.  Then, it calls children to take their parent’s instructions seriously.  Ultimately, this is up to the child.

Consider this Biblical truth that:

  • God formed and fathered Adam.
  • God walked and talked with Adam in the garden.
  • God instructed Adam very carefully.
  • God was the perfect parent.
  • Adam was not the perfect son.

Although he heard God’s perfect instructions and was perfectly provided for, he still chose to rebel and to disregard God’s commands. Sometimes a child is wayward because of bad parenting, but sometimes a child chooses sin instead of their parent’s instruction.

Our job as parents is to straighten, to sharpen and to prepare our kids to the very best of our ability. Then our job is to pray that the child will take our instructions to heart.

Challenge #2:

Teach your son how to fear God

Kids, this means you need to ask your parents about who God is and learn about God from them.

According to the scriptures, the highest target of parental instruction is to teach and model the fear of God.

2 My son, if you receive my words     and treasure up my commandments with you, 2 making your ear attentive to wisdom     and inclining your heart to understanding; 3 yes, if you call out for insight     and raise your voice for understanding, 4 if you seek it like silver     and search for it as for hidden treasures,

HERE IS THE GOAL—-THE HIGHEST TARGET…. 5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord     and find the knowledge of God.

6 For the Lord gives wisdom;     from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; 7 he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;     he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, 8 guarding the paths of justice     and watching over the way of his saints.

Once a proper fear of the Lord is established, other inferior goals, like citizenship or craftsmanship, fall into their proper places. Our job as parents is to keep the main thing (the fear of the Lord), the main thing (not to replace it with something inferior). How do I do that? If I want my children to be followers of Jesus, passionate in their pursuit of Him, then I need to model that behavior myself.

This passage calls me to follow Jesus so enthusiastically that my kids see how good it is to be a servant of the Most High God. In doing so, I need to surround my kids with the kinds of people who will lift them up and help them to grow in their faith.  Who I hang out with influences how my children turn out!

You and I need to carefully select our close friends and model for our children how to choose relationships. This truth begins my next challenge from Proverbs 2 for me as a father:

Challenge #3

Teach your son to carefully select his friends

Kids, listen to your parents when they tell you to avoid someone at school.

Let’s read on in Proverbs 2

9 Then you will understand righteousness and justice     and equity, every good path; 10 for wisdom will come into your heart,     and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; 11 discretion will watch over you,     understanding will guard you,

12 delivering you from the way of evil,     from men of perverted speech, 13 who forsake the paths of uprightness     to walk in the ways of darkness, 14 who rejoice in doing evil     and delight in the perverseness of evil, 15 men whose paths are crooked,     and who are devious in their ways.

As a child approaches their teenage years, their friends become highly influential. A father has the primary responsibility to teach a son how to choose his friends. I need to be on the offensive.  I need to teach my kids how to intentionally choose friends, not to passively hang out with whoever comes along…

Sharpen

The apostle Paul says, “Bad company ruins good morals.” (1 Cor 15:33) You know that when you are around other people who are encouraging good works, pointing you to Christ and sharpening you as a man (or woman) of God that you grow in your love for your family, you act more honorably in the community and you excel in service to our King.  Your children need those kind of friends too!

Men….Dads, this passage calls you and I to protect our kids:

  • Be a lion.
  • Don’t throw them to the world.
  • Guard their integrity.

I’ll need to instruct Owen how to choose his buddies and so they will lift him up, not tear him down.

As we finish the passage, let’s talk about briefly about the struggle with immorality my son will face. Young men are especially vulnerable to sexual immorality.  I know that young men are going to have passions that will lead them to destruction unless they learn how to control their bodies. This training begins at an early age!

Challenge #4

Teach your son how to control his body.

Kids, self-control is a vital character trait.

Boys who are taught the ways of wisdom, are taught how to control their bodies. Dads, this is our job.  From the time our boys were very little, I began talking with them about “doing the bounce.”  In our culture, we are inundated with immorality.  We can’t always help seeing it or coming into contact with it the first time, but we can keep ourselves from dwelling on it.

As boys, I taught my kids that when they seeing an immodest woman that they should “bounce” their eyes. Men, we can’t pass off purity training to someone else.  Let’s read on in Proverbs 2

16 So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman,     from the adulteress with her smooth words, 17 who forsakes the companion of her youth     and forgets the covenant of her God; 18 for her house sinks down to death,     and her paths to the departed; 19 none who go to her come back,     nor do they regain the paths of life.

You remember the old saying “alls road lead to Rome?” In this case, all paths of the forbidden woman lead to destruction and death.  In Old Testament law, adultery was punishable by death.  In a modern context, it often results in disease.  Either way it destroys and devastates families.

Why do so many young men trip up in this area? For some, their desire in the moment outweighs even their will to live.  That’s how strong this temptation is for some young men.     I’ll need to have some frank conversations with Owen about purity.

Men, if you and I don’t instruct our kids in the way of purity, the world will teach them the way of immorality instead. Nothing will make a young man lose his edge more quickly than falling into a trap of immorality.

  • Dads, talk to your kids about the dangers of sexual immorality
  • Moms, support his training by praying for both your children and your husbands

Challenge #5

Teach your son how to be a good husband

Don’t just teach your kids what NOT to do, teach them what TO do. You and I need to be living examples to our kids of how to love and protect our wives and families.  Teach your children the joy of marriage. Teach your son to enjoy his wife and that she is a gift from God who is more precious than jewels.  And you will teach him best if you lead by example, and enjoy and cherish your own wife.

Let’s finish off by reading the remainder of Proverbs 2:

20 So you will walk in the way of the good     and keep to the paths of the righteous. 21 For the upright will inhabit the land,     and those with integrity will remain in it, 22 but the wicked will be cut off from the land,     and the treacherous will be rooted out of it.

Conclusion

Jim Elliot, the well-known martyr, once said:

And what is a quiver full of but arrows, and what are arrows for but to shoot. So with strong arms of prayer, draw the bowstring back and let the arrows fly, all of them straight at the enemy’s hosts.

Give of thy sons to bear the message glorious, give of thy wealth to spread them on their way, pour out thy soul for them in prayer victorious, and all thou spendest, Jesus will repay.”

I feel that it is appropriate to wrap up by giving this final charge:

  • If I fail to teach my son to obey, the devil will teach him how to rebel. In doing so, he’ll break your heart.
  • If I fail to teach my son to fear God, the devil will gladly teach him to have an open mind to all the things of this fallen world.
  • If I fail to teach my son how to choose his friends, the devil will gladly choose his friends for him.
  • If I fail to teach my son how to control his body, the devil will teach him to completely give it over to his passions completely.
  • If I fail to teach my son how to love his wife, the devil will teach him how to be unfaithful.

As fathers, we have a great responsibility to this generation those to come, to straighten and sharpen our sons in the way of wisdom.

Prayer

Lord, we thank You for Your word and its clear instruction to us as fathers. I pray for every father here, that he would be faithful to teach his son in the way of righteousness.  Lord, protect our children.  Extend Your grace to the areas where we fall short. Be the great protector and shield for every family represented here in this room…amen.

[1] http://coolcosmos.ipac.caltech.edu/ask/5-How-large-is-the-Sun-compared-to-Earth-

[2] Owen, John, God’s Statesman, p. 55.